| Sunday, May 1st, 2005 |
| 11:32 pm |
do you ever feel like things change in a split second? like all of a sudden you don't feel how you used to feel, or you don't care about something you'd usually care about? sometimes i wonder if certain things i deal with are worth it. do you have to be hurt a couple times to not be hurt anymore? will there ever be a time when i'm never hurt again? probably not. i hate the fact that some things never change. especially when it hurts me and the person who is causing the hurt knows it hurts. if you hurt some one you love wouldn't you make a point to not do the thing that hurts them anymore? |
| Sunday, April 17th, 2005 |
| 11:22 pm |
fuckin a, some people are lame. being not ugly and not fat is not a reason to hate. grow some mother fucking respect god damnit. i'm sick of the bullshit that comes along with your need to be the center of attention. you can talk all you want but please remove your lips from my ass when you're done. i know how your mind works and i know you have bad intentions. i'm really sorry that you lack confidence but trying to make other people feel that way is just fucking sad. i'm not fake and thats why i am loved. you need to learn to respect yourself AND other people. |
| Saturday, January 29th, 2005 |
| 8:37 pm |
there was no need for today.
today i had a breakdown after an hour long phone conversations with some one. some one who wasn't necessarily the first person i thought of to call and confide in, but afterwards i wondered why i hadn't thought of him from the start. i am incredibly thankful for him and for our relationship and can honestly say it is a relationship unlike any other i have ever had. he's not my boyfriend and sometimes i wonder why were were unable to ever work that out. but it's times like today that make me realize how much greater things are now. i have an unconditional friend. if anything were to happen to him i would have the worst time grieving because no one understands the depth that our relationship holds. we met because of fate, truly, and he is the reason that i believe in it. i love him unlike any other. Current Mood: thankful. |
| Wednesday, December 1st, 2004 |
| 1:00 pm |
right now i need my friends like i need air to breathe. i feel like i'm dying. i feel like dying. |
| Monday, November 29th, 2004 |
| 2:08 am |
what would you do?
what would you do if you knew some one told me they loved me tonight? some one else talks about roses and romantic songs. would you appreciate me more knowing that someone else is willing to give anything for me to look at them the way i look at you? take me now. i'm sick of pretending. |
| Thursday, November 18th, 2004 |
| 1:24 am |
would it be better to never talk to you again? a day without your voice seems impossible but days when it says the unimaginable are just plain hard to deal with. i don't deserve the tone you use with the rest of your friends. and she doesn't deserve the tone you use with me. love me differently or love me not at all. your intentions are good but only half of the time and maybe that creates my struggle between loving you and hating you. don't talk about marriage when you can't sacrifice the things i'd sacrifice for you. i'm more than second best and thats the way i should be treated. the day you realize that i left will be a day you never expected. feels good now but it will all come down on you in the end. and thats fine because it all falls down on me every day you dismiss my hurt feelings. every day you dismiss my hurt feelings. |
| Monday, November 15th, 2004 |
| 3:07 pm |
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| Monday, November 8th, 2004 |
| 1:45 am |
I find comfort in other people and it is your fault. Hurry up before you lose me. |
| Thursday, November 4th, 2004 |
| 4:17 pm |
Take my breath and fill your lungs. I'd die to let people see your pretty face. I don't need air because it is you that fills me and makes me live. I'll breathe in your skin every day that I can. Your hand on my back takes me where I should be. Skin on mine never had so much meaning. But I get so lost in your eyes that I'm afraid I might drown. And what will I do when all my tears face is your familiar back? They're sick of the same old view. Show them an ocean at sunset instead of your usual parking lot. And wipe them away so I can be beautiful again. Because these tears cloud the eyes that hold the secrets you'd die to hear. The only thing that is stopping you is yourself. You have your tricks but you're too naive to realize that I have them too. Breath and air are nothing without a warm body to put them in. You need me as much as I need you. |
| Wednesday, November 3rd, 2004 |
| 3:36 pm |
He'll never love you like he loves me because I'm real and you're not. Gaining strength from my weakness shows you're weaker than I'll ever be. |
| Monday, October 25th, 2004 |
| 3:26 pm |
You speak all your words with the confidence that I'll believe them. But I am not naive and you are not everything I need. Your assurance only proves what made me skeptical all along. 1,000 times of being lost in you could never stop me from recognizing the sugar coat that covers your words. One day you will realize that I never needed you the way you loved to think I did. It will harden your heart to learn that you are the needy one in this relationship. It is my lips t hat are meant for yours and my touch that makes you feel alive. And although no ones lips fit mine as well as yours, it's hard to lose yourself in someone when you don't trust them. Words sound good but love is caring about another's insecurities. Tears are left to fall because their cause won't find their origin. You wipe them off my cheeks but never wipe away the reasoning behind them. I'm losing hope. |
| Tuesday, October 5th, 2004 |
| 9:38 pm |
How can some one fully enjoy something when they're just waiting for it to fall apart? It's sad too, because no one makes me feel the way you do. It's something about the way you look at me when I'm laying in your arms. Or maybe it's the way we hold hands. Is it cliche to say that when our fingers intwine it makes me feel whole? Maybe not whole, but it's more than just hand holding. With us, everything is more than what it would be with anyone else. Slip between my legs again because when we make love we are the only two people on earth. Why does something so amazing have to be covered in shadows of fear? |
| 11:55 am |
Really, it's ok. No need to apologize. No need to flatter yourself. I really don't care. The truth is, I'm not interested in you. In fact, I'm glad that you don't have the incentive to call me. You not calling allows me to stop pretending. And if the only reason you want to call me in the first place is to see if we have potential, then just don't. You've asked me out repeatedly for the past 2.5 years and um, nothings happened. Sure, coffee, a movie, but that's all it was. Nothing has happened yet and nothing ever will. Sorry to let you down, sorry I'm hard to keep track of, sorry you'd be more interested in calling me if I wasn't seeing some one. Sorry I don't feel like giving you the time of day. Don't make a big thing out of things you don't know about. Be cool and be my friend. That's all I want. Deal with it and don't try to make me feel guilty. |
| Monday, October 4th, 2004 |
| 3:14 pm |
Your lips on mine and tears in my eyes. How can something feel so good and hurt so much at the same time? It fits. It feels right. But what happens tomorrow? The more I touch your skin, the more I realize how good it feels on mine. Don't ever stop touching me because I couldn't stop touching you if I tried. Forget forgetting your eyes, your hands, your tongue. They all feel too right when they are on me to let them go out of fear. Yes, tomorrow is uncharted ground but hopefully it will have a different outcome than the past tomorrows we have faced. A thousand fallouts don't have to end in a thousand and one. |
| Thursday, September 30th, 2004 |
| 7:11 pm |
I keep finding myself in the same place. I am stuck in a cycle that I hate. Everything that's amazing is rewarded with a falling out and a freshly broken heart. I'm sick of going back to the same spot that I despise. The situation that I constantly keep falling into makes me hate the person who I am. I have never felt so lost and I've never had less control over my actions. Losing you once was hard enough but losing you on a weekly basis is more than I can handle. To me our situation is simple. Black and white. Too bad gray is the color of your choice and gray is the color that turns my heart black. The red fades more every time you walk away from me. All I have are statements, with meanings that don't matter, to bring back the color in me and my love for you. And yet I live for these statements like I live for the day that this cycle ends. Love is the willingness to give anything and everything. Right now, the day you give me everything will be the day I give you nothing and smile at your confusion in my new-found independence. I'm done being the person I hate. I'm someonexnew. Take me. Take me as the person who is trying her best. And try your best with me. Because I'm sure I'm not the only one who hate this cycle of falling outs. |
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